Sunday, December 16, 2012

No More Today's

Tonight is one of those night's where I lay my head in my hands in frustration.
I didn't improve the world today. I didn't know how. Instead of figuring out how, I just laid in bed all day.
Wrapped myself in broken hearts & washed my face with my tears. I hurt today.
I know I'm not suppose to question God's work but why do I feel satisfied seeing my ex-Girl hurt when I'm still laying in bed dying over the girl I left her for?
I'm hurt today
I got to much pride in my chest to kiss ass today, maybe I'm not happy because she didn't call my name today.
I'm hurt today. I was hurt yesterday so I'll probably be hurt tomorrow too.
Lord, I faked a smile while talking to you.
Can I still hand my soul to you even after I seem to have sold it to the devil in exchange for sex & a kiss on the neck, but no "Good Morning" text. Can I run to you?
When I bow at your feet will you look the other way?
Did you cry diamonds for me today?
God, did you hurt with me today?
I usually don't apologize for the life I live, but God is this the price I must pay for being gay? I'm sorry father.
I ask that you show me your way. Your way may not make me happy today & it probably won't erase the hurt I felt yesterday but I want to walk in your ways.
I don't know myself yet, but you know me all the way.
So father do you think you can bend over from the sky's & whisper in my ear a little secret about myself I've been dying to hear.
I promise I won't tell nobody. You have my word.
Can You strip my heart of this fear of growing up, I'm stuck in my child like ways, I need to find some other ways, how about your ways?
God's ways? I'm not trying to be you, I just simply want to be blessed by you.
Make me invisible so people can see the you that's inside of me, Lord I NEED you.
I can't have another day like today. I hurt today. Laid my head in my hands in frustration & Failed today. I can't have another today.

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