Streets

That wasn't a dream, that was a bullet. These guns have ended my niggas. Poured so much of my soul out for you niggas that it was bottled, built a grave & put a lottery in it. They picking 6's & scratching off 3 of you niggas.
Don't fix your life you'll be 4th my nigga.
Pick up your pants & get your life right for the sake of your mother.
She's crying tonight. And your daddy's rolling over in his grave cause he was the example for a lot of you niggas.
He was in the lottery, got scratched off & buried WITH OUT his niggas.
So what can your do for you? Cause I know they ain't going to die with you.
Rest in pieces & fly with you. I hope this ain't what being fly means to you.
Your hollister shirt ain't going to protect you from a AK-and a Bullet.
I hope this ain't fly to you cause when you flying you'll be dying & your mother will be crying.
And won't nobody stop to ask "Hey, where's JoJo?" cause when they poured a little out for you, the thought of you kinda went from black to blue & nobody likes feeling blue.
Shot you dead & didn't even leave your Tim Boots you didn't die like your daddy nigga you trembled, but i'm the only one that saw that shit.
This is the lottery nigga they picking 6's & scratching off 3 of you niggas.
Don't fix your life you'll be 4th my nigga.
These streets ain't ya play ground. They are the Devil nigga. Monkeys are only servants in the circus.
And these are his streets. Not your streets, not the black mans streets, these are the white man's streets.
Black on Black in Black piss stained walls, y'all in jails my niggas.
I know y'all ain't got money on y'all books cause your "friends" don't care my niggas.
Our dream of America is milk & honey. But your reality is blood & tears.
That was a bullet shooting your dreams down. You wanted to be a Doctor. What happened to Private Practice & making your mama happy?
You probably got 16 babies & 17 on the way.
Just because you got the parts don't mean you were born a Man.
Murder isn't always an decision.
Your life's the price your "Friends" will pay for no snitching.
If they live another day that means your dead.
And I prey, that when I have a son he has a friend that tells him to stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel & start looking for God in the Darkness.
He will go to church every sunday & learn how to pray.
I'm not saying this will stop him from looking like a nigga like you, but it will let him know God is his only father & these streets are not his play ground.
And his pants will fit his waist & not his butt.
That wasn't a dream, that was a bullet.
Snap back to reality, oops there goes gravity.
You couldn't be any closer to your daddy in the ground.
These are the streets my nigga.

Lost This War

I saw my reflection in the mirror the other morning. I didn't like what I saw because I woke up crying over you.
That was the first time I had wished to go blind.
I didn't want to see the battle field you made of me because I wasn't protected properly.
Momma's words were no suit of armor for this war. They were more like secrete passage ways to hell! I was buried that day.
See momma be telling me let my heart breath a little, to say how I really feel.
But I guess momma be wrong this time & she got me crying. You didn't give a damn if I lived or died that day.
When I saw my reflection in that mirror i died that day & you didn't even come to my funereal.
6feet under I wasn't buried in kisses, best wishes & gold fishes.
I was buried in shot down dreams. Hands muffling my hearts screams. My beauty didn't live to dream.
Make up stood up & ran from my face. This type of oppression can lead to depression, why'd you ruin my faith in us?
Guess thats what I get for putting faith in a woman & not God.
I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry cause I didn't die like a G, I trembled, but only God saw that shit.
You & me will never be meant to there is nothing left of us to piece back together.
There will never be an I with a You because it wouldn't make sense without a Verb in the middle.
I love you. No! More like I loved you. I Loved you until I couldn't see you.
I wished to go blind that morning.
Mommas words left me crying that morning.
I fought a war that night.
And I lost my sight that night!

Can I have my soul back!

It's hard to tell the difference between the mother of the murderer & the mother of the mother of the murdered.
I developed a stutter in my heart beat that night. Held at gun point, he took my soul that night!
Didn't ask to borrow it, he murdered my soul that night.
Sticking his finger against my lip he told me "Don't you tell a soul" that night.
So I didn't. I didn't tell a soul, not even my own soul. My soul was just as shocked as I was when she heard the safety click above the trigger click, I had to think quick, but I just laid there.
That night my biggest fear came true. The man murdered my soul.
Leaving his #5 hand print across my spine, I wasn't my own anymore, I was his.
Chained up & sailed away. You might as well say I was sold like a Slave that day.
SLAVE.
Slave ships & white men how you think I get this bright skin, I was born to glow.
But now I have no soul so now I blow.
Roll the blunt pass the lighter please. Now I just blow. Following my daddy's foot steps, I'll be a junky please.
I no want to learn a damn thing. Why not lay out on the corners, fuck bitches & learn a damn thing.
Sale please? Is my soul for sale please? Maybe I can trade you for a nickel bag & a swisher & a cup of my yuck!
Can I have my soul please?
I promise not to tell nobody that you popped my cherry please, can I have my soul please?
I bow.
" God,
I know I'm not suppose to question your work, but is this your work or the devils work? Right about I can't tell the difference! No weapon held against me shall prosper, right? So, would my soul be considered a weapon of my own fait? I mean it can hurt me as long as he has it right?"
God, make him give me back my soul today.
You might not have my soul for long, but you'll always have my childhood.
I hope your kids have more fun in it than I did.
And I hope you never stick your crayola fingers in your daughter like you did me.
I died that day! You murdered my soul that day!

No More Today's

Tonight is one of those night's where I lay my head in my hands in frustration.
I didn't improve the world today. I didn't know how. Instead of figuring out how, I just laid in bed all day.
Wrapped myself in broken hearts & washed my face with my tears. I hurt today.
I know I'm not suppose to question God's work but why do I feel satisfied seeing my ex-Girl hurt when I'm still laying in bed dying over the girl I left her for?
I'm hurt today
I got to much pride in my chest to kiss ass today, maybe I'm not happy because she didn't call my name today.
I'm hurt today. I was hurt yesterday so I'll probably be hurt tomorrow too.
Lord, I faked a smile while talking to you.
Can I still hand my soul to you even after I seem to have sold it to the devil in exchange for sex & a kiss on the neck, but no "Good Morning" text. Can I run to you?
When I bow at your feet will you look the other way?
Did you cry diamonds for me today?
God, did you hurt with me today?
I usually don't apologize for the life I live, but God is this the price I must pay for being gay? I'm sorry father.
I ask that you show me your way. Your way may not make me happy today & it probably won't erase the hurt I felt yesterday but I want to walk in your ways.
I don't know myself yet, but you know me all the way.
So father do you think you can bend over from the sky's & whisper in my ear a little secret about myself I've been dying to hear.
I promise I won't tell nobody. You have my word.
Can You strip my heart of this fear of growing up, I'm stuck in my child like ways, I need to find some other ways, how about your ways?
God's ways? I'm not trying to be you, I just simply want to be blessed by you.
Make me invisible so people can see the you that's inside of me, Lord I NEED you.
I can't have another day like today. I hurt today. Laid my head in my hands in frustration & Failed today. I can't have another today.

What hunger looks like

Hunger not only looks like the skinny population of minor countries. Hunger looks like me & you right now.
No one considers me. Everyone thinks because I live in a big city I got food at home. Uuuh no. I open my fridge & get angry. I got to wait till the first of the month like everybody else.
Man i ain't got no chicken. Ain't even no kool aide. Hungry looks like me. Naw you know what, hungry looks like a school full of kids asking the lunch ladies "What the hell is this?"
Hunger look like me & you. Hunger is the look on my face when i face a note book & a pen. I be thirsty to write.
I want to let my words slide from my brain, transform into saliva & dance on the cracks of my lips.
I want you to eat my words. Go ahead fill up, i wrote em just for you. Those kids will never go hungry cause I don't ever shut up.

The remake of Old Feelings

I'll write with out an apology & live without forgetting to love. But if love forgets to love me i'll understand.
I won't look at my journey as a battle I'll just see it as a way to certify who I am on this earth. And I wont drop my head into my hands when I think I've failed Gods test. Instead I'll poke my chest out, stick my head up & tell God i'll do better next time & actually mean it this time.
On this earth I shall tell the truth. And if the truth hurts you I'm not sorry. I can never be sorry for how I'm feeling & I will never change anything, because if my life were to be a book it wouldn't be a biography; it would be a novel.
Don't settle. I won't settle for little when I can have the world. But I don't want this world I want your world. And if I can't have your own entire world could I just as simple co-sign on it? But I'd like to own it.
I want it signed, sealed and delivered right to my door step. I...I want love to mumble my name when it sleeps at night & i want you to dream my face. i want to see the letters run out of loves mouth like the slob on your pillow.
I'll love you with out apology & pray that you have the strength to not allow love to forget my first & last name.

Bearing my soul

I never knew I was Qualified to be loved by God However, I did know that one day I would meet him. I didn't know when or how. And I wasn't even sure if I'd be prepared.
But I knew that I had better get prepared 'cause God waits on no man or Woman. I'm scared. I'm scared because I'm not prepared. And I worry myself sick wondering if God lays his head in his hands at the end of each night in disappointment. Father I'm sorry. I never meant to disobey any of your commandments. I'm sorry if I don't honor my Mother & father but mostly my father the way I should. And I apologize for stealing the hearts of several girls and only having room for one, my own.
And I'm not even sure if I want this heart anymore because this heart sees cups as only half empty & not half full. This heart has come close to not beating 706 times just this week. I'm sorry.
If I walk up to the purely gate & I'm not tall enough to reach the handle, God I understand.
The day I was born I promised to never deny you in front of my friends & lucky for me my friends made that same promise, so father do you think I have a greater chance?
I need you. I come before you today on my knees barring my soul. And I never wanted to doubt the fact that you love me because I've always loved you & I still do I just think I lost sight of you. I was afraid. I love you.

More Than That

I'll write a book, i'll write a song. I'll even write a letter to the moon. I'll write how much I love you in the palms of my hands, grip your face & leave the ink prints as a reminder that whenever you smile, I smile & our smiles don't leave room for punctuation in the love letters we pass each other as if were loving in moires code.
I got you. I got you on my mind more than the 7,696 times my cousin thinks about ice cream in a day.
I got you wrapped in between 26 lines on this paper, blue inks & my finger tips.
And you might as well be apart of my face because my lips speak of you more than it counts the number of teeth in my mouth.
And my mouth waters every time you embrace me in your arms, I guess its my mouths way of crying Drools of Joy.
You. I'll hold you in my hands as if i'm holding my grandmothers bible on sunday mornings.
You, although you can never compare to the words of my God I still hold you up there like your the newest religion that may not all the way me True Religion but I still believe in you...and...me.
What if? What if you were that one Religion that everybody bowed down to & you told the truest truths anybody could tell, would still find time for me? Would you loose sight of me in the crowds of all of your followers, I refuse to be labeled "Apart of your flock" because I remember I held you close like my grandmothers bible & you held me closer. Gripping me by the shirt you refused to let go, so I refused to drop you.
I love you. I love you more than the 7,696 times my cousin loves ice cream in a day. I love you like I love myself but more.
And if this doesn't tell you any truth right now, I guess I'll just have to write you a book, or maybe put it in a love song, and I have no problem with shouting from the moon today, I LOVE YOU.!!!