One day you'll be tired of being broken hearted and you will tell your mother exactly what's been on your heart. Each time you two talk you part your lips to tell the truth but, her feelings and tears get in the way. You have been fooled for way too long. People may have hurt her but, that isn't your fault. Don't take her shit laying down. She needs to know how terrible her shit stinks. Will this push her even more into her life style? No one knows but, if it does she chose to allow it. You are only responsible for what you feel and do. Not their emotions and actions. You are cut, dry honest with everyone on this earth except your mother. You can't be this honest with her with out being disrespectful and normally you say fuck what is and isn't respected when it comes to the truth so what's stopping you in this situation? You know she didn't want a second child and you happened to be just that... The second child and she treats you just like that. You get treatment your brother knows nothing of. You and your emotions are down right disrespected in that house. In one of her ears and flys right out of her ass, she don't get a fuck about you and that is the sad truth that you must live with. Dance in it! Accept it. But you will not live with it in your heart. Pray for her for she knows not what she does but what others have done to her. She has the "they hit me first" syndrome and it's sick, yes but you can't change that. You can't beat it out of her no matter how bad you want too, don't fight unless you have too. Do not let her take the best of your kindness. This here life you live is a test like none other. Can you pass it? You're almost done baby girl. She's afraid you won't come back once you leave for college and she fears this because she knows good and well how awful she has been to you. Once you're gone the men will come in by the dozens and you can't do a thing about it and it's okay... She's an adult. STOP TRYING TO GET HER TO GET YOU! She's not suppose to and she doesn't even want to. She's praises the ground your brother walks on and you will never receive this love and it's okay... Love yourself enough to not even miss her when she leaves you alone. Love God enough that he fills all voids in you from head to toe. Stay faithful to him all the days you live. You're hurt and no one understands you but, it! Is! Okay!!!!! You seek that mother in other women and you haven't found her yet, maybe you just have to sit in the fact that she aren't suppose to have a mother so you can feel all the emotions of a motherless child... When you have kids you will love them fearlessly and with every bone in your body. Nobody, not even GOD himself will be able to shake this love you will have for them. Love them like you've never been loved... Love them so much it'll scare you. Love kills hate any day so love your mother too... Sure she has hurt you but, it's okay. Kill her hate with love and love you, her, your brother, your father. All of them that hurt you most love them until that have no reason to hate you. Love them in secrete if need be. No one knows where you will end up in the next year. I just want you to be happy. More happy than you are right now writing this on your way to work. Never be evil... Women before you have traveled these roads to make God proud to write your name. You will be a lady of great word on day. Live up to this. You have big shoes to fill.
