I'm not a flower even though I sound like one. I'm more like music. I didn't come from a field with red roses & Jasmine's, more like slave ships & rail roads, white men & forced grandmothers.
I wasn't wanted. My father hated Jazz music & he didn't want kids. I think thats why he named me Jazzmine with 2 Z's instead of an S. He named me Jazzmine then he felt.
But its ok. The J in my name looks like the curves of my mothers smile. The A looks like half lived suns. My Z's look like the stripes on a zebras back & my M looks like the Earth cemented in Gods back. I is for the number of times I Had seen my father on my birthday ONE.
N is the start of the sentence my father said before I last hung up the phone "Never did I ever mean to hurt you he said"
Yeah right, so why'd you Nick name me Jazz, you HATE Jazz. Do you hate me too?
E, this life will never be anything EASY for the unwanted.
My mothers heart you owned that, my love I never showed you. I didn't even know you so i don't like you. And I guess you felt the same way. So you named me Jazzmine with 2 Z's and NOT an S.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Its MY body
My body is my temple so I'll put it under lock & key. I'll wrap my chest in Cotten clothes keeping it far from anybody's view because, my body isn't just anybody's body to have & to hold.
Falling to their knees the fellas will worship the air my pours breath in.
My body is what I value more. I value it more than any dollar amount I could spend on clothes to cover this body.
My body is of greater value than the whips speaking to Jesus back. My body is
so rich, God thought to create a heaven & earth to house this body. So, my body is my body.
Not your body, not his body and not her body. But, its my body and with all the power in me I'll keep it that way.
Falling to their knees the fellas will worship the air my pours breath in.
My body is what I value more. I value it more than any dollar amount I could spend on clothes to cover this body.
My body is of greater value than the whips speaking to Jesus back. My body is
so rich, God thought to create a heaven & earth to house this body. So, my body is my body.
Not your body, not his body and not her body. But, its my body and with all the power in me I'll keep it that way.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
She Don't Care
I could never identify with the skinny girls. Small clothes and long hair so, I bought me some hair. you couldn't tell me nothing. I felt like a Queen that Saturday night. Girls making several attempts to get with me. Whispering in my ear, telling me what they though I wanted to hear. But non of them succeeded, except this one girl.
She felt along my back making my skin curl up into a thousand goose bumps, its like she studied my body from across the room as if I were her map and she was trying to find the quickest way to get to my insides. So I jumped, almost melting into pools of what my imagination was, I looked at her. In her eyes I saw a sparkle that told me she didn't care that my pants size isn't a single number, or my bra size isn't an A, B,or C. That sparkle in her eye told me that she would love me mind, soul and spirit. It said that her arms are gates that would guard me from all evil.
But her mouth said, I was all she had been asking God for. So I told her I will grant every wish possibly known to man. And if she wished to meet God with me, even if we're not worthy, I'll still put in an extra special prayer for the both of us at night.
I'll seal it with a "Amen." And make sure it's mailed straight to God's ear. I love her because she don't care that I'm not a skinny girl. And she don't care that I don't have long hair. She just cared that I am her sunshine and she is my heartbeat.
She felt along my back making my skin curl up into a thousand goose bumps, its like she studied my body from across the room as if I were her map and she was trying to find the quickest way to get to my insides. So I jumped, almost melting into pools of what my imagination was, I looked at her. In her eyes I saw a sparkle that told me she didn't care that my pants size isn't a single number, or my bra size isn't an A, B,or C. That sparkle in her eye told me that she would love me mind, soul and spirit. It said that her arms are gates that would guard me from all evil.
But her mouth said, I was all she had been asking God for. So I told her I will grant every wish possibly known to man. And if she wished to meet God with me, even if we're not worthy, I'll still put in an extra special prayer for the both of us at night.
I'll seal it with a "Amen." And make sure it's mailed straight to God's ear. I love her because she don't care that I'm not a skinny girl. And she don't care that I don't have long hair. She just cared that I am her sunshine and she is my heartbeat.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
I love YOU, that's WHY!
Follow me right now, I'm running on ambition. I'm living in a dream and breathing in blessings. Everyday I'm learning lessons, steady stressing, grey hairs growing in my eyebrows & ain't even 20 yet.
Truths dancing in my mouth, swallowing down a lie, trying to spare your feelings but not knowing why.
I don't know why I consider your feelings when I can't even get a simple "I love you" out of you. I sit & ask myself why.?
Never actually being brave enough to come up with an answer for myself, I'll simply stick with the script. So, I love YOU that's WHY!
Truths dancing in my mouth, swallowing down a lie, trying to spare your feelings but not knowing why.
I don't know why I consider your feelings when I can't even get a simple "I love you" out of you. I sit & ask myself why.?
Never actually being brave enough to come up with an answer for myself, I'll simply stick with the script. So, I love YOU that's WHY!
On my way to school
Gym class? 2shirts.
Cold outside? Gym shorts. Running track? Gym shoes.
Sweat dripping? Paper towel.
Hot as hell? Drink some water.
Loving school? Hell naw.
Cold as hell & I'm on the train.
CTA? This train a bitch, I missed it twice. So, it could wait.
Thursday & friday? NO SCHOOL, so I'm staying home, Thug Life.
Cold outside? Gym shorts. Running track? Gym shoes.
Sweat dripping? Paper towel.
Hot as hell? Drink some water.
Loving school? Hell naw.
Cold as hell & I'm on the train.
CTA? This train a bitch, I missed it twice. So, it could wait.
Thursday & friday? NO SCHOOL, so I'm staying home, Thug Life.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Streets of Chicago
My neighborhood is like a jungle. The smell of blow while i'm walking off the train. I know a gang is near by.
Tasting the danger in my mouth. Taste so bitter it tightens my jaws like lemons. I can't stand it.
17steps down, twist the door open, the cool breeze slapping my face back into the reality of, in this world not everyone loves me.
This love mentally kicks me back into a ally and threatens to steal my dreams and snatch the truth out of my mouth.
No feelings. Because I'm only 14 i'm not allowed to physically stand on my tippy toes, reach for the clouds & pull down a dream or two. I can only mentally draw in my progress.
My hood said they saw nothing in me but God put the light in me, so for him I will shine brightly, unapologetically listening to his voice.
Dancing on bear cans & shingles, broken bones and needles.
I live in the hood, where some kids find their lives in empty fields and milk cartons.
And orphans find sanity in between notebook lines & wet ink.
I live in Chicago.
Tasting the danger in my mouth. Taste so bitter it tightens my jaws like lemons. I can't stand it.
17steps down, twist the door open, the cool breeze slapping my face back into the reality of, in this world not everyone loves me.
This love mentally kicks me back into a ally and threatens to steal my dreams and snatch the truth out of my mouth.
No feelings. Because I'm only 14 i'm not allowed to physically stand on my tippy toes, reach for the clouds & pull down a dream or two. I can only mentally draw in my progress.
My hood said they saw nothing in me but God put the light in me, so for him I will shine brightly, unapologetically listening to his voice.
Dancing on bear cans & shingles, broken bones and needles.
I live in the hood, where some kids find their lives in empty fields and milk cartons.
And orphans find sanity in between notebook lines & wet ink.
I live in Chicago.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Worked hands
Can you read my hips like you read my lips. And can your hands tell tails of love & desperation. Do your hands talk as fast as my lips do when they're loving you, will your hands tell the curves of my hips lies like the cracks of your lips?
Can I trust them? Can your hands cross paths with mines & challenge me to a thumb wrestling match and will you let my hands win?
Can I take my hands & collect your tears? I'd like to put them in my bath water as reminders why God strengthens me each & everyday to love you.
Will your hands fight for me? Catch me by the arm & rub all my insecurities away when I threaten to leave you?
Will you be there for me? Be there for me like you promised me & will your hands be tired & over worked from loving me? I'm loving you.
Can I trust them? Can your hands cross paths with mines & challenge me to a thumb wrestling match and will you let my hands win?
Can I take my hands & collect your tears? I'd like to put them in my bath water as reminders why God strengthens me each & everyday to love you.
Will your hands fight for me? Catch me by the arm & rub all my insecurities away when I threaten to leave you?
Will you be there for me? Be there for me like you promised me & will your hands be tired & over worked from loving me? I'm loving you.
Monday, November 12, 2012
My First "I love you" letter
I never wrote a "I love you" letter before so, I don't know how this should go; but I guess I'll just tell you straight up how I feel.
I never knew I could look at some one well, you; I never knew I could look at you and every second I feel my heart skip over my lungs 10 times and have it knock the wind out of my pipes.
I never knew that holding a sweater of yours drenched in the sweet smell of you could cause the smell or what I imagined to be the smell could linger on not just my clothes but my body and fill the air in my house.
And before i met you I didn't know I could be looked at as something much to beautiful to only be wrapped in finger tips & bed sheets. I didn't know I could be loved by anybody other than God.
You're not like everybody else. You don't wanna wrap me in your arms, rock me to sleep then act like you don't know me.
I love you because you wake up every morning and I feel the pulls of your smile from ear to ear. I feel the strings tugging on our hearts still reminding us that our feelings are paternal twins and that we'll always meet half way.
I know you're listening even when you're mad at me. And I know you care even when I pretend like I don't.
I love you.
I love you to the sun, then to the moon, threw the Milky Way then back to earth. I love you past the length of any lifetime and deeper than any sea.
I love you more than my life, my dogs life and I love you to life. And I will always love you for life.
I never wrote an "I love you" letter before so just like you were my first kiss, you're my first love letter.
And I sign it with my heart beat. So baby, I LOVE YOU.
I never knew I could look at some one well, you; I never knew I could look at you and every second I feel my heart skip over my lungs 10 times and have it knock the wind out of my pipes.
I never knew that holding a sweater of yours drenched in the sweet smell of you could cause the smell or what I imagined to be the smell could linger on not just my clothes but my body and fill the air in my house.
And before i met you I didn't know I could be looked at as something much to beautiful to only be wrapped in finger tips & bed sheets. I didn't know I could be loved by anybody other than God.
You're not like everybody else. You don't wanna wrap me in your arms, rock me to sleep then act like you don't know me.
I love you because you wake up every morning and I feel the pulls of your smile from ear to ear. I feel the strings tugging on our hearts still reminding us that our feelings are paternal twins and that we'll always meet half way.
I know you're listening even when you're mad at me. And I know you care even when I pretend like I don't.
I love you.
I love you to the sun, then to the moon, threw the Milky Way then back to earth. I love you past the length of any lifetime and deeper than any sea.
I love you more than my life, my dogs life and I love you to life. And I will always love you for life.
I never wrote an "I love you" letter before so just like you were my first kiss, you're my first love letter.
And I sign it with my heart beat. So baby, I LOVE YOU.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Our First Date
In my mind I've mentally date you 906 times. We're exclusive.
The first few time we didn't really work out because every time I would walk you to your door step and lean in for a good nights kiss, my alarm clock would wake me up.
Time you Jealous right? I guess time got jealious and decided to routinely inturrupt our romance. But that's ok. I got something for you this time.
This time instead of showing up at your door step with a 2 for 1 special coupon from "Pop eyes." I'll show up with freshly polished fingers and curls in my hair still warm, both waiting for you to lock your fingers in them.
I'll take you to a movie. We can make it our selves. No producers, props, stage lights or sound check.
Just you and I. I think we could win a Oscer for best love story that has ever gone unwritten.
What do you think?
Tonight will make our 907th date. Only this time its a real one. I've had plenty practice at this so I'll try not to look stupid.
I look in the mirror, check my fly, fix my jacket and check my breath. Now, I'm finally good to go.
I'm kind of new to this dating game so tell your father he dosen't have to wait up at the door with his shot gun with my name written on any of his 6 bullits, I'll have you home before 10. 10, mainly because that's my time to be home and I don't want to be late, but 10 because thats the number of times I've actually heard you say my name.
If we were going off how many times I've said your name out loud I'd be in my one.
I only spoke your name once in between the cracked four walls in my bedroom and even then butterflies took their last flutters in the pits of my stomach.
I can't help that there's no need to speak your name. When ever someone ask or speak of you to me,
before I can even start my sentence the letters of your name stand in line across my lips like toy soilders fighting an artificial war against my Teddy Bear, Barbie doll and my Super Man action figure.
Your face fits perfectly into the cracks of my eyelids but bever perfectly into my eye balls because your beauty is so dangerious, it radiates beams of light no other woman should be allowed to see because its off limits. All for me.
I'll take you on a date. I'll play coaster to a half full heart, catching the excess love thats sweating off of the glass of your body as the degree of passion riases above a .5 9.
Then I'll go home and start on mental date 908. Maybe 909 can be real next time.
The first few time we didn't really work out because every time I would walk you to your door step and lean in for a good nights kiss, my alarm clock would wake me up.
Time you Jealous right? I guess time got jealious and decided to routinely inturrupt our romance. But that's ok. I got something for you this time.
This time instead of showing up at your door step with a 2 for 1 special coupon from "Pop eyes." I'll show up with freshly polished fingers and curls in my hair still warm, both waiting for you to lock your fingers in them.
I'll take you to a movie. We can make it our selves. No producers, props, stage lights or sound check.
Just you and I. I think we could win a Oscer for best love story that has ever gone unwritten.
What do you think?
Tonight will make our 907th date. Only this time its a real one. I've had plenty practice at this so I'll try not to look stupid.
I look in the mirror, check my fly, fix my jacket and check my breath. Now, I'm finally good to go.
I'm kind of new to this dating game so tell your father he dosen't have to wait up at the door with his shot gun with my name written on any of his 6 bullits, I'll have you home before 10. 10, mainly because that's my time to be home and I don't want to be late, but 10 because thats the number of times I've actually heard you say my name.
If we were going off how many times I've said your name out loud I'd be in my one.
I only spoke your name once in between the cracked four walls in my bedroom and even then butterflies took their last flutters in the pits of my stomach.
I can't help that there's no need to speak your name. When ever someone ask or speak of you to me,
before I can even start my sentence the letters of your name stand in line across my lips like toy soilders fighting an artificial war against my Teddy Bear, Barbie doll and my Super Man action figure.
Your face fits perfectly into the cracks of my eyelids but bever perfectly into my eye balls because your beauty is so dangerious, it radiates beams of light no other woman should be allowed to see because its off limits. All for me.
I'll take you on a date. I'll play coaster to a half full heart, catching the excess love thats sweating off of the glass of your body as the degree of passion riases above a .5 9.
Then I'll go home and start on mental date 908. Maybe 909 can be real next time.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Do we have a deal?
If I shake your hand & make this deal with you, you got to promise me your not like satin with your fingers crossed behind your back.
Tell me the truth & put your signature on a promissory note. Promise that you'll never leave me. Promise me you wont lead me to a field of empty opportunities & plenty of lies.
Promise me you wont be like Satin this time. I forgave you thursday in hopes to shower you in trust monday, make me not regret ever being stupid again.
I want you to wrap me in your arms & whisper in my ear you wont forsake me a time or two, let me love you.
I want you too write it in the galaxy, make the big dipper jealous of me. Draw my face across your heart with star dust then tell the world I'm the bass in your heart beat.
Can you become God for a minute? Run across the river in a rush to catch my heart before it sounds like shattering glass tripping over the pavement. Can your be my hero?
I'm not talking about be super woman or cat woman I want you more like freddy cougar or jason. I want you to kill every mother fucker that stands in the way of you & my heart.
So promise that if I shake your hand you wont have your fingers crossed behind your back this time. Can I give you my heart? And will it be safe?
Tell me the truth & put your signature on a promissory note. Promise that you'll never leave me. Promise me you wont lead me to a field of empty opportunities & plenty of lies.
Promise me you wont be like Satin this time. I forgave you thursday in hopes to shower you in trust monday, make me not regret ever being stupid again.
I want you to wrap me in your arms & whisper in my ear you wont forsake me a time or two, let me love you.
I want you too write it in the galaxy, make the big dipper jealous of me. Draw my face across your heart with star dust then tell the world I'm the bass in your heart beat.
Can you become God for a minute? Run across the river in a rush to catch my heart before it sounds like shattering glass tripping over the pavement. Can your be my hero?
I'm not talking about be super woman or cat woman I want you more like freddy cougar or jason. I want you to kill every mother fucker that stands in the way of you & my heart.
So promise that if I shake your hand you wont have your fingers crossed behind your back this time. Can I give you my heart? And will it be safe?
My Thank You To Syleena Johnson
Had a nice day With Syleena & LakeShore. I truly enjoy the real love & appreciation you all show when ever I come to an event. You all will go so far in your careers. Syleena Thank you for making a way for young black women like me to not only dream but to catch our dreams as well. Your a blessing to many lives
Friday, November 9, 2012
Don't Forget Me
I'll write with out an apology & live without forgetting to love. But if love forgets to love me i'll understand.
I won't look at my journey as a battle I'll just see it as a way to certify who I am on this earth. And I wont drop my head into my hands when I think I've failed Gods test. Instead I'll poke my chest out, stick my head up & tell God i'll do better next time & actually mean it this time.
On this earth I shall tell the truth. And if the truth hurts you I'm not sorry. I can never be sorry for how I'm feeling & I will never change anything, because if my life were to be a book it wouldn't be a biography; it would be a novel.
Don't settle. I won't settle for little when I can have the world. But I don't want this world I want your world. And if I can't have your own entire world could I just as simple co-sign on it? But I'd like to own it.
I want it signed, sealed and delivered right to my door step. I...I want love to remember my name & i want you to dream my face & speak my name, i want to see the letters run out of your mouth like the slob on your pillow.
I'll love you with out apology & pray that you have the strength to not allow love to forget my first & last name.
I won't look at my journey as a battle I'll just see it as a way to certify who I am on this earth. And I wont drop my head into my hands when I think I've failed Gods test. Instead I'll poke my chest out, stick my head up & tell God i'll do better next time & actually mean it this time.
On this earth I shall tell the truth. And if the truth hurts you I'm not sorry. I can never be sorry for how I'm feeling & I will never change anything, because if my life were to be a book it wouldn't be a biography; it would be a novel.
Don't settle. I won't settle for little when I can have the world. But I don't want this world I want your world. And if I can't have your own entire world could I just as simple co-sign on it? But I'd like to own it.
I want it signed, sealed and delivered right to my door step. I...I want love to remember my name & i want you to dream my face & speak my name, i want to see the letters run out of your mouth like the slob on your pillow.
I'll love you with out apology & pray that you have the strength to not allow love to forget my first & last name.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Roll Over For you.
1 a.m you're tapping me on the shoulder
"Roll over baby" you say.
Me pretending like i didn't want to but secretly wanted to, I rolled over anyway.
Pulling back the covers for you to love me. Well, make love to me. I was excited.
Excited that you wanted me & even more excited it was raining outside & the window was cracked, just like i like it. You started kissing me.
Starting from my head to my toes, you twenty four played with me & slowly I spoke your name a time or two.
I thought of every place you could be but all that mattered is that you're here with me. You got me.
You got me quivering. Your Hands wrapped around my thighs, you're mine.
I'll hold you in my captivity, making love until the sun comes up. Any night I'll roll over for you. I love you.
Clawing my trust into your back cause you getting it like that, You getting me weaker & weaker by the minute baby. you got me barley able to breath in any more I love you's so I guess I'll just release the other stuff.
We'll just cum together.
Its 3A.m & your wrapped around me sleep. Me dancing inside myself I knew I had made you happy. And it made my happy knowing that you love me. I love you. I'll always gladly roll over for you.
"Roll over baby" you say.
Me pretending like i didn't want to but secretly wanted to, I rolled over anyway.
Pulling back the covers for you to love me. Well, make love to me. I was excited.
Excited that you wanted me & even more excited it was raining outside & the window was cracked, just like i like it. You started kissing me.
Starting from my head to my toes, you twenty four played with me & slowly I spoke your name a time or two.
I thought of every place you could be but all that mattered is that you're here with me. You got me.
You got me quivering. Your Hands wrapped around my thighs, you're mine.
I'll hold you in my captivity, making love until the sun comes up. Any night I'll roll over for you. I love you.
Clawing my trust into your back cause you getting it like that, You getting me weaker & weaker by the minute baby. you got me barley able to breath in any more I love you's so I guess I'll just release the other stuff.
We'll just cum together.
Its 3A.m & your wrapped around me sleep. Me dancing inside myself I knew I had made you happy. And it made my happy knowing that you love me. I love you. I'll always gladly roll over for you.
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