Bearing my soul

I never knew I was Qualified to be loved by God However, I did know that one day I would meet him. I didn't know when or how. And I wasn't even sure if I'd be prepared.
But I knew that I had better get prepared 'cause God waits on no man or Woman. I'm scared. I'm scared because I'm not prepared. And I worry myself sick wondering if God lays his head in his hands at the end of each night in disappointment. Father I'm sorry. I never meant to disobey any of your commandments. I'm sorry if I don't honor my Mother & father but mostly my father the way I should. And I apologize for stealing the hearts of several girls and only having room for one, my own.
And I'm not even sure if I want this heart anymore because this heart sees cups as only half empty & not half full. This heart has come close to not beating 706 times just this week. I'm sorry.
If I walk up to the purely gate & I'm not tall enough to reach the handle, God I understand.
The day I was born I promised to never deny you in front of my friends & lucky for me my friends made that same promise, so father do you think I have a greater chance?
I need you. I come before you today on my knees barring my soul. And I never wanted to doubt the fact that you love me because I've always loved you & I still do I just think I lost sight of you. I was afraid. I love you.