Dear Baby Boy,

I've been waiting for you. I've written love letters to your father even after he buried his soul in the pits of my stomach & washed away his flesh with the alcohol he swore he'd never drink again after that day we created you by accident.

You're my son, you're not your fathers son, you're my son. You're the reason why I live to see all the seasons. You remind me that

God forgives sinners when they've cried out apologies and lived to make the same mistakes over again.

Baby Boy, Mommy may not be able to dress
You in the finest clothes or have a hot meal everyday, but I promise to mumble your fathers and I love story under my breath loud enough for you to know, just because you were an accident doesn't mean you weren't made in love.

I hope, that one day for some Dad's little girl you'll steal my pens & notebooks to write her love poems as if you're Shakespeare.

I want you, never to play with her heart like its a game of Russian Roulette, and I want you to walk into a room and flash a smile that knocks the wind out of every pipe and widens eyes to look like diamonds.

I want you to never be afraid of the rain. Know its okay to struggle, but never fail to try. I'll whisper to you story's about how mommy and daddy had "Candle light dinner" every night in December of '92 because the lights were off.

And I'll tell you how the closest we got to a gourmet meal was Ramen Noodles & government cheese.

Baby Boy, if I could I'd take you to God's door step myself. Ask him if he could play a game of chess or two with you.

But I wont force a Bible into your back pack. And I won't force you to your knees to pray to him, but I will tell you about his glory and I'll remind you how your tears caught the ghost & ran down the holy sanitary of your face one sunday morning.

Son, have you ever looked me in my face & said to yourself that you wanted to marry a woman just like your mommy?

Because on my fingers I can count 10 nights you curled up beside me in bed & I felt your fathers spirit dance in my stomach, I wished I could find a man half as good as the man I'm raising you to be.

Baby Boy, you know your father didn't leave you. God called him because he needed a new dancer around his thrown. You'll see him someday.

You'll recognize the feel of his heart beat from when you were a baby.

Baby Boy, have you ever laid your head on my chest and heard the heart beat of your father?

My heart's vains recorded it on our last hug and often times play it back like its old Jimmy Hendrix eight tracks.

Baby Boy, I've written love letters to your father, so may this be my first love letter to you. My dearest Baby Boy, I love you.