Gods Test For Me!

I've spoken to God before. And do you know what hes told me?

He said that he wouldn't make this test
easier for me just because I've cried to him.
That's what I'm suppose to do. Fight.
Fight for the spot in his kingdom that is mine but,
remember that his love is NOT limited.

He forgives me. Sin after sin but never the same sin twice.
He forgives us.

After the first time we should have learned our lessons but,
some people forget that God is not the lotto,
we can't just put a dollar in the offering and expect a blessing.
Gods glory doesn't work like that.

It was the blood trickling down his sons back,
it didn't matter what our sins were all Jesus knew
is that he died for them.

If its a heaven on earth, there's a hell in the ground.
we always say we want a friend to ride or die for us but,
we forget who first died for us. Jesus died for us.

We often forget what bible pages taste like, licking our fingers then swiping the pages
Now all we do is take out our phones to
swipe the pages.

Can somebody hand me the yellow pages?
or direct me on the right path to heaven,
cause right now on this earth I'm lost.

Trapped in between stop signs and hearts. The love
of a woman or the fact that I need God.
This sexual revolution in my body ties its lust
around my mind and stretch out my faith.

The reality is I'm tired of this.
I've asked God for relief from this, and he said; he wouldn't make this test easier for me just because
I've cried to him.

That's what I'm suppose to do.
God all I ask is that I get closer to you.
But if my sexuality is opposed upon you,
what am I suppose to do?

I apologize in advance and if I fall short
of your kingdom, please don't give up on me.
This is just another one of my sins and I apologize
for this one too.

There are no IFs, ANDs, or BUTs, about this truth; God I love you.

This is the first apology my pen has ever birthed
of me being a black, gay Christian.
Maybe this life was especially chosen out of the
lotto just for me along with this body.

This body that have curves that look like road maps to
Gods door way in heaven. God told me
he wrote this test just for me.

And that I should keep fighting for my
spot in his kingdom because he adores me.
So I shall continue to bow down before thee.
This is Gods test for me.