I'm afraid

I think I'll take one of the bags from under my eyes, fold myself up & pack me away. I'm afraid of me.
I don't know what I'm capable of doing to this world, so I think it's just best I stay away from it. I'm afraid of me.
See those bags? Yeah, their filled with cups of coffee, muffins & loneliness. I'm so afraid of me.
I'm so afraid of me that I ran away from me. Yeah, I escaped myself. I'm not the me I use to be. The old me wasn't a cry baby. The old me never cried. And the old me had no bags.
I guess this new me felt so afraid her eyes had a droit. I'm afraid of me.

Dear 40 Year Old Jazz,

I hope the world knows your name. I hope you have a book in every library across the world. And I hope that your not afraid to take risks anymore.
High school was ok but, it wasn't made for you. You may have passed your reading class but you failed at being normal. Thats ok, you're cool anyway.
In high school you may have worried a little too much about your past to plan your future, thats probably why you do things last minute now but, its ok. Your still successful.
I know it's crazy now, but back then it was different because around the time you started High school you still couldn't get married in ALL 50 states because you like the same gender. Are you married now? Where did you get married?
You've helped create change in yourself and the world by standing up not only to bullies but standing up to yourself as well. You gave yourself permission to to live your best life. You created change by becoming one less scared soul afraid of living. Your now another survivor.
40 year old self, I hope your happy with yourself. I hope you have 2kids and I hope everyone knows your name.
I hope that the WORLD remembers your legacy and carry it on for years to come.
Dear 40 year old me,
I'm PROUD of YOU.!!!

Your Fingers

When I look at your fingers I get chills.
I get flashbacks of the things they've done to me. You give chills to me.
They helped rebuild me. They secured every insecurity I ever had about me. They gave me new meaning. They've felt me.
Your fingers as fat as they are loosened me. This life was like a noose to be. It was staring to hang on me.
Your fingers aren't new to me. Your fingers molded me. Holding different parts of my body until the moon light became sun light.
I get chills when I think of the pattern your fingers made across the small of my back as I laid across you at 7:48 that saturday night.
Its convinces me that you love me even if you probably don't.
At the sight of your fingers I get flashbacks of the things you've done to me. Their not new to me.

I swear I hate YOU.!!

I get annoyed at the sight of your face.
Its like you live to piss me off.
I can't believe I loved you at all. Just the thought of liking you makes my stomach turn. I HATE YOU. But I love you too.
Your my best friend but your my enemy too. Damn girl, I, I just HAT YOU.
I hate you for making me fall in love with you. I hate you for not protecting me. I just hate you. I hate you i hate you.
I hate that I love you. I hate that I'm gay. I wish I never met you. I hate that you walk around like everything between us is ok.
I hate that I cry over you. I just hate you.

I started it.

Yelp that last time I started it, I kissed her on her neck. Made her body run wild.
I made her heart beat a little, made me question all I could do. She laid up against my chest listening to see if my moans & my heart beat would cry at the same time making them twins.
She discovered every insecurity I had with her left hand, as she gripped my face kissing it with her right.
The sounds of love didn't have to let my mother know I wasn't a little kid anymore, it was the efforts to make dead silence that gave it away.
I waited long enough. And she was the right one. She was one that loved me on those red sheets the very first time. She was the one that motivated me to do better. She was the girl with the cherry red kisses that locked my lips.
She was my world. But now that fate drifted us apart I think its time that I thank you. Thank you for locking our spirits & not letting go.
Thank you for memories of the sticky kiss you gave me our 2nd try. Thank you for the dry cheeks & wet sheets you gave me, thank you for Loving me.

My Momma Stole yo' man

Mommy, you left your lipstick stain on my daddy's collar the night Y'all made me.
He went home to his wife he smelled like he had been wrapped in you all night.
The scent of your rare Gold perfume lingered on his body so, not even a shower could wash you away.
She found out. His wife found out that YOU were the 12a.m text messages he was getting every night that he didn't come see you.
Mommy you're the woman many women hate. You're the man stealing, no good woman. But I disagree with them.
I may be a lesbian & have very little experience with men but, I know no man can be stolen if he doesn't already want to leave. So Women please, please stop calling my mother the woman who stole your man.
I'd say she did the both of you a favor. My mother showed you that man wasn't their to love you & she showed him all the trick little girls like you can't do.
So thank her. Thank her for taking that problem off your hands. To me it doesn't matter how many men she's stolen. That's my mother & I love her.
Mother I love you.

Never Fade away

I'll write your name with a million & one kisses in red lip stick. And hold it next to my heart for the world to see Then i'll hug u and prey our love never fades away.